Therapy virgin

Jake and I recently started couples therapy. I have never done therapy. Well, to be completely honest Jake and I did like 2 or 3 counseling sessions with the pastor who married us but we didn't really dig in too deep. It was more of finding out if were compatible and held the same basic beliefs. But that was it!

I firmly believe that mental health is just as important as physical health. Just like if you have had a cough for a month or that tweaked shoulder hasn't stopped aching for 2 months you would book an appointment to see your doctor, the same goes for if you have anxiety or feeling depressed or any other mental concern. You should definitely book an appointment with a therapist.

I thought that I didn't have any mental concerns bad enough to warrant seeing a therapist. I was successful at work and in my relationships, well adjusted, resilient to set-backs and so on. But even as I type this I am realizing just how naive I was. I know full well how important wellness checks are with a regular ol' doc to ensure I continue to stay healthy physically, so why the heck wouldn't I want to do the same for my mental health?!?

I was being thick for sure! And also lazy! Finding a therapist takes a little work. But it's oh so worth it!

Jake and I have a great marriage. But it could be better! We have thought about doing therapy for a few years now because we wanted to make our relationship stronger. We just never got around to researching a therapist and then actually picking up the phone to make an appointment. And guys...every couple has a few things they could use some help unpacking! We were finding that we seemed to be having the same argument almost quarterly. Life would get stressful, we would lose our cool about something, argue about the same stuff, come to some sort of compromise but never really felt 100% settled. We would be good again for a few months until something else stressful would pop up and we would repeat.

Soooo, we finally got our butts in gear, got a recommendation for a local therapist and made an appointment. We started about a month ago and already have learned some really interesting and insightful things about ourselves. We got lucky finding a therapist we both like on the first try. We both knew going into this that finding the right therapist could take a while. We were committed to giving this first one a try and then if one of us didn't connect with her we would try another.

The way she starts with a new couple is to see them together on the first visit. Then she has one-on-one appointments with each couple separately and then all the rest of the visits are together. She used the solo sessions to ask us about our families and how we grew up because that will impact how we interact with each other. Now she is helping us understand and work through our 'cycle' to find out what are the deeper issues at play.

In just 4 sessions Jake and I have already learned so much about ourselves and why we react the way we do in certain situations. It's hard work, it's draining. We haven't had to be this vulnerable with each other before. But it's also exciting! Exciting to think how much richer our relationship can be!

I honestly wish we would have started this the day after we got married. Imagine how much stronger our relationship would be! How much more connected we would be! How much more understanding and empathetic we could be! BUT...there is no time like the present to start something.

If this is something you have been thinking about doing I am telling you to get it on your to-do list for this week. Make it a priority! And if you haven't considered it before I urge to consider it now. I am considering starting individual therapy too.

I ask you to be realistic. You may have to try out a few different people to find someone you connect with. Ask a friend or a family member for a recommendation. We found our therapist through our pastor. The website Psychology Today (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us ) has an amazing search feature to help you find a therapist in your area.

If you enjoyed this post or feel someone would benefit from it, I would be grateful and honored if you shared this with them! And please share your experiences with therapy. I would love to hear your thoughts.