How to start loving yourself

To all those ladies working on loving themselves....I applaud you! It's hard work!! Not sure why it's SO freaking hard but let's not dwell on that. Let's just get to fixing it! We cannot waste any more time not loving ourselves and everything we have to offer this world!

Before I get in to what I did, I want to remind you that this is a journey. Getting to the place of fully loving and being comfortable in your own skin, and owning every ounce of your magnificence, can take time. I don't say this to stop you from doing the work. I say this so you don't get discouraged and give up. For some people, this can process can take time and a lot of practice to unlearn the negative self-talk and truly learning to love themselves.

Keep going because you will get there. Everyone's journey looks different. Your journey isn't wrong just because it doesn't look someone else's.

Ok, the first step I took to start loving my body and myself was this:

Every time I had a negative thought about myself or my body, I would stop and immediately think or say something positive about myself. I would literally capture every negative, mean thought I told myself and rephrase it. This works best if you can say it out loud, but I know sometimes you are in a situation where you can't be yelling positive affirmations out loud (but wouldn't the world be a littler better if we all did?!)

For example, if you think "Ugh, my thighs are so fat"... IMMEDIATELY say "No, stop that! These are normal thighs and I am SO blessed that I have legs that let me move and walk. Plus my butt looks amazing today!"

Or if you think, "Ugh,I hate my stomach"... IMMEDIATELY say, "No, stop that! I am beautiful (or kind or a bad-ass or any other positive word you wanna use) and I have a normal stomach. I might have some extra there but who cares? I am taking the steps to be healthy. Plus my arms look great today!"

Do this Every. Single. Time. you have a negative thought about yourself. At first it might be 10 times a minute. I know because that it how it was for me. But one day you will wake up and realize you only have positive thoughts about yourself!

The second step I took was this:

I started listening to and accepting the compliments people gave me. For a long time I just dismissed compliments. They made my uncomfortable and I sure as hell didn't believe them. But then I realized that I was hearing the same things from all different people. Not just people who loved me. That made me stop and think. All those people couldn't be lying or bull-shitting me.

I needed to see myself the way other people say me!

So I started to do this thing where I would watch myself as if I were in a movie. I would look down on my life, myself and what I was doing almost as if I were a ghost hovering above me. I had no attachments to that person below and I would just observe with a sense of curiosity.

What would say I about that person? What amazing things was that person doing? What was attractive about that person?

Do you what I saw? I saw a woman who works hard and is great at her job. I saw a woman who cares about other people and has a knack for encouraging and motivating others. I saw a woman who isn't afraid of sticking up for others. I saw a woman who is strong and humble and loving and caring and beautiful and had great arms!

Do you know what I didn't see? Those thighs that I thought were so offensive it would send other people running the other way.

The third step I took was:

Visualizing saying all those mean, negative internal thoughts to the 4 year old version of myself. Could I tell 4 year old Ashley in her pigtails and amazing 80's stirrup pants her legs or stomach or anything about her was ugly or gross? NO! Of course not! you would never say ANY of the things you think about yourself to a child.

So why is it OK to say those things yourself now?

The answer is... IT'S NOT!

Friend, we say the most hurtful things to ourselves, things we would never think of saying to another human and it has to stop. It is not OK.

You are amazing, talented, beautiful, gorgeous, strong, resilient, kind, hard-working. You deserve to see yourself how the rest of the world sees you.